No, it's not because I'm incredibly self-critical of everything I produce. No, it's not because I think I'm a mediocre artist and animator. No, it's not because I am filled with self-loathing. Although I suffer from all of these things, that is not the reason I am the enemy.
No, I have a bad habit of letting time slip away from me.
For example, this week I was supposed to have five shots colorized for my milestone – a goal that does not seem very difficult to reach. I started off with the best of intentions, as I always do, getting the basics down on how I was going to colorize this sequence and I even succeeded in getting several cels done for a shot. But it's a difficult, time consuming, and tedious process and I hate difficult, time consuming, and tedious processes. So, instead of working the rest of last Wednesday, I took time off to relax. That was mistake number one.
Then I found out that my wife had the next day, so I decided to spend it with her. This led to a bunch of emotional ups and downs as we are still working things out. Of course Friday is my traditional night to go see friends and I just couldn't get motivated to work. After which came Saturday and Sunday which involved me having to shovel/blow out the snow in the driveway which it an incredibly exhausting thing (I have a HUGE driveway) leaving me with no energy or drive to colorize. I was spent for the weekend and becoming more and more miserable about not getting anything done.
By Monday morning, I was stressed, miserable, and extremely cranky. Not a good way to begin a week.
As I began working on colorizing again, I started to realize that this – like so many things – is just something I have to get through. Not because this work is horrible. Oh, it's tedious and frustrating, but in the end it looks really good. I'm very happy with they way it looks (which I might add is exactly how I had envisioned it, that's something that I've never experienced before). I'm also not getting mad at myself like I used to. Yes, I missed my original goal, but I'll rewrite the schedule and keep going. This animation, more any any one that I have worked on before, really means something to me. I feel different this short. Definitely different.
I'm not precisely certain what that means, but hopefully it's a good thing. Stay tuned...
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